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Thirteen Lessons Learned

March 18, 2010

JD and I signed up for Netflix a few months back and we’ve been watching a ton of movies. Thanks to the many characters in these movies I have learned quite a few life lessons that I thought I would share today. In no particular order here are thirteen life lessons I have learned by watching way too many movies:

  1. You hear a sound in the basement in the middle of the night. Do not and I repeat do not go down to the basement all by your lonesome without turning on any lights or arming yourself with a large powerful weapon to see if the ax murderer you fear is out to get you has just broken into your home. It will turn out badly for you, no two ways about it.
  2. Now we are competently armed, the lights are blazing in full glory but the sound in the basement still needs to be investigated. Do not under any circumstances put the large powerful weapon away. Do not slip it into your waistband, pocket, or shoulder holster. Keep it aimed out in front of you, ready to be discharged at a moment’s notice.
  3. Villains, you have an evil plot that you have spent many months working out to make sure it goes off without a hitch. Make sure all your hard work isn’t for naught by choosing your accomplices carefully. Just because he is large and can take on a brick wall with his bare hands does not mean he should be your second in command. And if you find another potential accomplice greedy now before the cash is even in hand, it will get worse when the evil plot is carried out.
  4. This one is also a heads up to the bad guys. I’m no math whiz but unless our hero has amazing supernatural powers or is armed with a gun that dispels hundreds of rounds per second , ten against one isn’t going to turn out well for the one. Don’t take turns watching your friends get sliced, diced, and tossed away; attack all at once you will win, really, I’m not lying.
  5. This is one I think we all know but I feel the need to put here because I see it happen time and time again. Really bad situations can be avoided if you just take a moment to tell someone where you’re going. Seriously, it doesn’t even take a full two minutes to scribble down on a piece of paper that you have gone off to confront the big bad scary all by your lonesome because you think you’re a total bad ass. Help us out, leave a note.
  6. Monologues will be the death of you. Do not wait to pull the trigger so you can go on about how so and so is finally getting what they deserve. Just pull the damn thing and when all is said and done go ahead and wax eloquently until you’re blue in the face.
  7. OK picture this: You’re a woman and you’re running away from the big scary because you were inside the house fully armed but you heard a noise outside and decided to go investigate, without your weapon of course. Now somehow you ended up getting behind big scary and he doesn’t know you’re there. What do you do? Well there are many things you can do. The one thing you should never do: let out a blood curdling scream that draws attention to your previously concealed position. You’ll most likely lose your head over it.
  8. The haunted looking motel parking lot you just pulled into because it’s late and you’ve been driving all night and all you really want to do is curl up and sleep for a few hours is too good to be true. Get back in your car. Keep driving. You will thank me in the morning when you’re still breathing.
  9. Sometimes the crazy person isn’t really all that crazy. Take a moment, have that cup of tea and listen. You might just find out who the killer is/that the hunky guy you’ve been drooling over has been drooling right back when you weren’t looking/there is a fortune buried deep in the woods and the map to it’s location is yours for the taking.
  10. You have run over to your office building to do something that simply couldn’t wait until the light of day when your massive, armed, deliciously sexy bodyguard would be by your side. You’re tapping away furiously at your keyboard and suddenly the lights go out. Here the only smart thing to do is grab your cell phone, call the cops, and hide until their arrival. But, if you do insist on leaving your nice secure office with the deadbolt on the door, don’t go into the pitch black stairwell with nothing to light your way. The killer will get you and probably throw you down the steps. And, oh yes, it will hurt.
  11. Do not tell your suspicions about who the killer may be to everyone that will listen. You will most likely end up telling the killer.
  12. You know that plan you came up with to deceive the hero in order to get him to fall madly in love with you despite said deception? Scrap it, it won’t work. And in the process of it not working you will most likely fall in mud, icy cold water in a see through shirt, or a big pile of dog doo. Actually, never mind, stick with the plan. I love watching it unfold. Just remember it will probably back fire so be ready to explain yourself!
  13. You’ve just escaped from the scary villain and you’re hiding in the middle of nowhere, in a barely concealed spot. Now I know the adrenaline is really pumping after your near death experience but the killer is still out there looking for you, now is not the time to have sex. The ax murderer will show up and kill more than your post coital after glow.

Are there any lessons I’ve missed? Happy Thursday and happy movie watching!

Sophia

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. March 18, 2010 9:28 am

    LMAO! Sounds like you’ve been watching scary movies. If people didn’t do dumb things, there’d be no plot!

  2. March 18, 2010 10:04 am

    Yes! The monologue one kills me. Why are bad guys so stupid in these movies? I love smart ones. Those are the movies that work for me.

  3. March 18, 2010 10:39 am

    Yeah, you really gotta watch those monologues. They’re killers.

  4. March 18, 2010 10:40 am

    LOL!! You’re braver than me, because I can’t watch scary movies. We watched Law Abiding Citizen last night, and I spent most of it with my hands over my eyes. LOL! Happy Thursday! 🙂

  5. March 18, 2010 11:03 am

    LOL! Those are great!

    *hugs*
    Paige

    My TT is at http://paigetylertheauthor.blogspot.com/

  6. March 18, 2010 11:15 am

    *laughs* okay, this list cracked me up. Especially #4 and 6!

  7. March 18, 2010 11:43 am

    What the hell are you watching?!?!

  8. March 18, 2010 1:15 pm

    Hilarious. A reminder for me why I don’t watch scary movies when alone. LOL
    Happy T13!

  9. March 18, 2010 2:54 pm

    Great list! I was nodding from #1. I have no idea why people go down to the basement in the dark – no idea at all!

  10. March 18, 2010 3:09 pm

    LOL. Yep, that basement has been the downfall of many a movie character and they’re usually teenage babysitters . Have a great Thursday. Hugs, Meg.

  11. March 18, 2010 3:09 pm

    No sex after being chased??? You buzzkill, you! … whatwasthat?

  12. sashadevlin permalink
    March 18, 2010 8:02 pm

    I gotta confess #4 and #5 are faves of mine. And from the notes, I would swear you’ve watched Vacancy. *shudders

  13. March 18, 2010 10:26 pm

    Fun list!

    Every time I’m alone at night in a parking garage and I make it to my car, I think, Hey! Whattya know! Nobody attacked me! 😀

  14. March 19, 2010 5:24 am

    And this is why I don’t generally watch scary movies – they’re ridiculous! If any of us, as writers, tried to write those sorts of scenes, we’d be called on the carpet for it.

    How do they get away with it??? Or is it just that the reasonable explanations get left on the cutting room floor?

    Hmmm…

  15. March 19, 2010 1:50 pm

    There are reasons I don’t do scary movies. These would be a few of them, lol.

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